
It’s been a little over a month since we sold our suburban pool home in, ahem, the suburbs.
It wasn’t a large home by area standards. Just a nice average-sized rancher with 1942 square feet and .25 acres to oversee. But in terms of my life, the demands upon me, it sometimes seemed like a mansion. A fun place full of memories, absolutely, but often an albatross around my neck.
In March 2009 I decided to transform the turf that never wanted to grow in the backyard to a flower garden and a true passion was discovered! I became instantly drawn into Nature as never before. As someone who for many years enjoyed a relaxing but detached window seat view of the outside world, to suddenly be standing inside its branches, stems, vines, and the sheer gorgeousness of flowers, well, it was nothing less than a rebirth.
What came next was what you might imagine. More work. Aside from caring for the wonderful beings inside the house, and the house itself, I had inherited the regular task of nurturing, tending and controlling the many ups and downs of the garden.
In South Florida gardening isn’t seasonal. It is year-round. It presents a glorious opportunity to be thrust into something delightful but also presents you with enough hard physical labor to bring on exhaustion.
So, for me, our “house and garden” was a benevolent behemoth I faced and — except for the blessing of a fantastic man from the Caribbean to cut the grass — took care of alone. While my spirit soared to be dancing among the enchanting and healing powers of Mother Nature, my very human shoulders began to sag under the weight of what I’d come to see was an enormous effort.
Probably the thing that worsened my load was last year’s hilarious (not) schedule of having two small children attending two different schools with two different arrival and dismissal times. It was a rigorous enough life shuttling our girls to and fro, to and fro, to and fro, and feeling myself becoming an unhappy automaton.
And ghastly things were happening to the 1942 square feet. Dust. Grime. Garden dirt entering whence the woman and caretaker of the house came and went, despite hasty shoe dances at the French doors and myriad attempts to keep the outdoors outdoors. Making their contributions, the two wannabe gardeners emulating Mommy on days off carried through the house their own soil samples, leaf veins, and ugly foundation rocks that they knew were the most beautiful things on Earth. Things really went into overdrive when the Monarchs arrived on the milkweed followed by the spiraling orange and black wings dipping and diving overhead like airborne flower pedals.
We all loved the garden I had created. For my money, it was a huge success. I loved the sight of my husband standing at the window admiring his little piece of heaven. “You really did a great job, baby,” he would say, sliding his hands in his pockets. And although I had injuries, callouses, joint pains and rough hands, my heart soared to know that my effort wasn’t for naught. There was nothing quite like seeing them enjoy my passion along with me.
All the while, our house was for sale. In this flat economy, and even flatter real estate market, we were not seeing success in that endeavor. On three separate occasions we put the For Sale sign out and then took it down. The time wasn’t right, we thought. We didn’t stop trying, though, and finally the day came. We were leaving.
By that time, relieved as I was, I was also utterly worn out. Endless showings. Endless cleaning. Endless exhaustion trying to keep it looking great and keep the garden not only alive but controlling the weeds, bugs and disease without pesticides or insecticides, a practice I am wholeheartedly dedicated to. Our 1942 square feet seemed to swell to 10,000. Being unable to hire anyone to help, I had taken on too much. And it would have surprised me a lot if someone had told me this 6 years ago when we moved in but our house was something I was happy to say goodbye to.
It brought to the forefront of my mind the knowledge that I don’t ever want a big house. I don’t even want the 1942 square feet again, at least not now.
While we await the chance to move to another state, we took an apartment. There are only 1175 square feet here. A bedroom for us and one for the kids. A nice breakfast nook beside a huge picture window boasting a view of a boring but beautifully green hedge and some anemic-looking stretches of ixora that show signs of not knowing the love of human hands. There isn’t nearly enough closet space and U-Haul boxes crowd out the dining area. But after reading the first part of this essay, you may not be surprised to know that we are all quite happy here.
In the house, the kids didn’t use their playroom. They didn’t like being so far from us. They played on unforgiving ceramic tiles and risked major boo-boos rather than play where we couldn’t be seen or even heard several rooms away. They crawled underfoot in the kitchen, taking chances with sharp knives and cast-iron skillets to ensure their nearness to us. The world of a big house, to their way of thinking, was one of separateness, isolation and, possibly, rejection.
In this smaller world of theirs we are together, with a welcome though unfamiliar calmness. We are close at hand. We are a kind of experiment in happiness, coming to our family bosom like people coming to a warm hearth. They are, undoubtedly, feeling more secure. More within easy reach of us. They have not transformed to perfect angels. That would be asking too much, and undesirable. But the acting out has greatly diminished.
I miss only one thing about the house. Of course, the garden. I left a big part of myself there. But I can do that again someday. And definitely will. Hopefully, from behind a smaller house.
Love,
Earth Girl